Monday, November 21, 2005


Gialuca DiMilano asked me this: “Mr Clockeeeey, you are expert in the sports, no. And you are an austrian, no? May be can you explain me. What is croquet? I'm know is a very popular game in your country. is true that the austria was lose to the england and the england was win an ash tray and the england peoples was go craze like they was win the war again? is a true?”

Well here is the definition I like:
You have two sides, one out in the field and one in.
Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out.
When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out.
Sometimes you get men still in and not out. When a man goes out to goin, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in.
There are two men called umpires who stay all out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out.
When both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including thosewho are not out, that is the end of the game!

Easy huh?

But, for a more technical description of the game of cricket, follow this link -> Croquet Definition

As for the Ash Tray, we actually grew a little tired of it and it needed a clean out anyway. You know, when the barman comes along and finally takes it away to throw the butts out, that’s England, they are the barman. They’ve taken it away to clean it and we’ll get it back on their next visit (Jan 2007) and they’ll even bring it with them. Aren’t they good? The English have been starved of success you see, The 1966 World Cup is the last real trophy of any significance they had to celebrate. The Rugby cup is really a tournament between 4 countries, the rest are window dressing. The Olympics and the Commonwealth games have provided no enjoyment for the English and neither has Wimbledon or tennis in general. How much longer can Tim Henman lose?
It is true thought, between the end of WW2 and the World Cup 1966, nothing much happened for the English. (Did Spain try to invade? maybe not)
So it was inevitable that when the won the Ash Tray, they didn’t remember how to celebrate. They stood at Nelsons Column and waved a flag. Woo Hoo.

I hope that helps answer your question. Any other Austrian questions, don’t hesitate to ask.

PS: Did anyone notice that Marcia Hines did not clap or cheer when Kate won Aussie Idol? Is she a bad sport?


weasel said...

Australians- such a young and insecure nation that its residents feel compelled to denigrate or downplay the achievements of others.

Us Brits on the other hand; always happy when Australia achieves something- its like watching your slightly slow kid win the egg and spoon race at last.

weasel said...

Actually reading the above comment back I realise I should have signed it "Douglas Jardine". I don't think I've ever been so condecending in my life :)

ChickyBabe said...

Oh goodie, I can comment about sports now ;)! I must remember to chant "Austria Austria Austria Oi Oi Oi!".

Mondale said...

Yer f*ckin f*cker. The whole country is full of dodgy aussie f*ckers with too much sun and good beaches and beer and shelias and neighbours and Agggghhhh!!!!!!!!
I just love my irrational contempt of Australia.
Oh, and they're losers too.

Clokeeeey! said...

Doug Jardine, just instruct your bowlers to bowl short leg side and all will be right with the world.
Hi CB, good comment, sorry but I still have my sports cap on.
Mondale, your superior attitude towards your colonies is just typical, but yes, we will put you back in your place once again, oh yes, we will.

Aleks - Anarcho-Syndicalist said...

Australian Idle? You'll watch anything. Actually you watch the AFL so you do watch anything!

Clokeeeey! said...

Aleks, I only watched the last couple of minutes so I could inform my daughter of the result. Promise, that's all I saw of the whole series.
PS: Leave the AFL alone, is good.

Gianluca Di Milano said...

thank yuo mr Clockeeeeeeeeeey. is a big helps. I'm not understand nothing exept the english are a fuck rubish bastards that are lose for evry team in the world. is a true, no?

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